Underworld Awakening

Screen Gems other husband and wife franchise returned to our screens this weekend in full on 3D and re-vamped (i'm sorry, really I'm sorry) to take the series in a new direction under the guidance of Mårlind and Stein, the Swedish directors of STORM (2005) and SHELTER (2009).

Kate Beckinsale returns to her goth fetish role after an absence from the third series entry as the Death Dealer Selene which finds her waking up 12 years after her capture to a world fully awakened to the existence of vampires and werewolves where ethnic cleansing known as The Purge has rid humanity of all but a few pockets supernatural beings. Smashinh her way out of incarceration Selene finds she has a daughter, a hybrid being similar to her father Michael Corvin and spends most of the film trying to exert an emotional link to the child. It doesn't work.

UNDERWORLD: AWAKENING shows promise for about four or five minites and then the whole thing collapses with the appearance of a terrible Scott Speedman doppelgänger and from there in it a myriad mix of crash, smash broken CGI windows, wirework martial arts that is not only cribbed from THE MATRIX but also the RESIDENT EVIL series and monsters borrowed from the last appalling MUMMY movie. There's also a ten minute game of "Is that Chris Martin?" and pointless bored performances from Charles Dance, Stephen Rea and the bloke that was the tour rep in THE INBETWEENERS MOVIE.

It will take some going for a film to be as bad as UNDERWORLD: AWAKENING this year but it is still January and there are plenty of disinterested franchises queuing up to take out money. I wonder if any of ten will make me feel genuinely embareased for paying for them like this one has.

1/5

Happy Hard On New Year

Is anyone reading this?

Rogue River (2011) Frightfest Review

Torture and kidnap movies are a slowly waining sub-genre in the the current horror trends as we see a swing toward more supernatural flicks. There are still a fair few of them to be released from the indie circuit and ROGUE RIVER is one of these. A young woman sets off to scatter her fathers ashes and meets an unsavoury couple at the titular river. A simple premise and set up though there are a few nasty surprises along the way.

I do not think it is a spoiler to tell you that Bill Mosely is the bad guy in this piece nor do I think it was the film makers intention to hide that from you. Rather the journey from nice guy to psychopath is a newer path for Mosely, he's not an outright psycho from the get go for once, and ROGUE RIVER is not one of those movies out to re-write the rules of horror but one of those that shows you can still deliver a solid entertaining movie within the confines of expectation and you can play about with those confines a little to. Where I was expecting a bit of a dud I got a nice suprise from ROGUE RIVER at Frightfest where it was good to see most negative expectations overturned to a fairly positive response. It was nice to see a couple of psychos inhabit a clean and normal abode rather than a busted old farm house covere in skulls and skin lanterns.

ROGUE RIVER has a thoroughly nasty streak that I think deserves to be celebrated by more horror folks than have been giving this little indie love. I'm happy enough with half a hard on for this solid and a little depraved tale.

The Theatre Bizarre (2011) Frightfest Review

The combined forces of some of horrors more obscure directors should have guaranteed that THE THEATRE BIZARRE be something special and while it is certainly something unique and lives up to the promise of the bizarre part of it's title.

A welcome return to the screen by Richard Stanley is marred by a Doctor Who rubber monster and a variation on "The Hook" from American urban folklore. Karim Hussain does his best to disgust with a woman injecting other peoples eyeball fluid into her own but this pales compared to the directors SUBCONCIOUS CRUELTY and then closer SWEETS is a bright technicolour candyfloss nightmare. It's all a bit odd and a bit off and never gets into the groove of being a cohesive anthology as promised.

Spotty at best and bonkers at worst THE THEATRE BIZARRE is a floppy for Happy Horror Hard On.

Final Destination 5 (2011) Frightfest Review

It's popcorn carnage time as a group of no-name teen actors are trooped out once more to dice with death and the only way to survive is if they can only figure out the design in time.

Every FD film begins with a set piece and at last we get to see the bridge collapse that was planned and rejected for Part 4. It's a hell of a step up from the weak Indie Car escapade as people and vehicles fly off into the water and then we move swiftly on to each of their individual deaths. A new element has been factored in by writer Eric Hessiner and director Steven Quayle; if you kill someone then Death will skip you.

If you want character arcs, storyline and all the usual expectations for a developed and engaging film then don't buy a ticket for New Line Cinemas fifth entry in the teenage body count series. This is the noughties (and beyond) version of the ELM STREET sequels of the FRIDAY THE 13TH series. It has all become a bit of a joke but it's a bloody fun one as modern effects let's the creaters invent preposterously elaborate death sequences and for once most of them are not water based.

Full on hard on for FINAL DESTINATION 5.

Don't Be Afraid Of The Dark (2011) Frightfest Review

Ushered into existence by executive producer and co-writer Guillermo Del Toro the remake of DON'T BE AFRAID OF THE DARK comes from an thirteen year old script that appears to be aimed at thirteen year olds.

Sally comes to stay with her Daddy Guy Pierce who is renovating what looks like the Disney HAUNTED MANSION ride, a colossal soundstage set house where you could stage an entire performance of THE PHANTOM OF THE OPERA in the hall complete with audience and prop chandelier. Daddy also has a new girlfriend in Katie (she'll always be lovely Joey from Dawson's Creek to me) whom little Sally doesn't like but who is the only person to believe the girl when she starts seeing little spruces running out of the air ducts and murdering the house staff.

The story is mostly a predictable lump with dull first and second acts and reLly only coming into it's own in the final third of the film. Based on an hour long made for TV special there is a bit of padding out of the run time. Unfortunately Del Toro has already scavenged this script for his Tooth Fairies in HELLBOY 2 and parts of PAN'S LABYRINTH, specific the tree motif in the doors and murals, leaving DON'T BE AFRAID OF THE DARK as another dull Hollywood clunker with schooled child performances and Guy Pierce turning up to hit the mark. Holmes does her squinty mouth worrying thing probably wondering where her part went.

Most odd of all why did the little girl who is meant to be Guy Pearce's daughter actually look like Holmes real daughter Suri?

It's a floppy for DON'T BE AFRAID OF THE DARK I'm afraid.

Here's a picture of the lovely Mrs. Cruise anyway.

What's not at Frightfest?

As I prepare to leave for FILM 4 FRIGHTFEST in the morning I find myself pondering what films I'm not going to be seeing that I thought would be at Frightfest. This is NOT a negative Nelly post as there are plenty if treats in store and I'm willing to bet one film that I think'll be a stinker will end up being brilliant.

I'm suprised at LIVIDE not being at the fest. With the directors debut INSIDE being so embraced a few years ago i'd have thought it would have turned up this year. It is however showing at Midnight Madness at TIFF so maybe urns a contender for the Halloween all nighter.

11-11-11 Darren Lynn Bousmans Spanish lensed spookfest is tied into the titular release date so maybe it is not quite finished yet but I felt this was a sure in for Frightfest after his last MOTHERS DAY was well received at the Glasgow screening. I hop we get to see this in the UK on the proper date.

KNIGHTS OF BADASSDOM is simply not finished nor is REC 3 (hoping for a REC 3 and 4 double bill at Glasgow next year). Similarly I don't think THE TALL MAN is complete.

THE HUMAN CENTIPEDE 2 was obviously pulled due to the BBFC refusing to give te work certification. More on that this weened from me...

There's no Asian horror this year at all. No Korean revengers, no Japanese splatterers but then these scenes are not at the forefront of horror ad they have been in past years.

THE THING is a glaring omission but who cares it looks like the same film re-made with dodgy accents.

RES STATE has run foul of Kevin Smiths eratoc and slightly paranoid behaviour which is such a shame because the Empire holds a bast complement of people who would love to see this film and would likely treat his presence with due reverence.

Anyway not to dwell on what is not to be it's time to look forward to five days of horror movies which will have its share of drinkers and future classiscs. I have a big hard on for Frightfest.

Something VILE for you

From that bit that tells you how people got to your blog I see someone was searching for the trailer for VILE. Sorry to disapoint but it's here now. this is at Frightfest. it looks a bit rubbish but you never know...

Underworld:Awakening not underwear arrousing

Looks like a return to business as usual for Screen Gems other no-brain action franchise. I can remember very little about the previous three, PVC suits and a big ship ring a bell, but at leasts Beckinsales back after her holiday from Part 3.

Interestingly Screen Gems have two female lead action horror series in RESIDENT EVIL and UNDERWORLD but stumble with the couple of Paul Bethany titles they've tried to get going.

Quarantine 2 Terminal (2011)

In the sequel to the remake writer and director John Pogue has abandoned the found footage style that has served the previous three films well. QUARANTINE 2 is shot in straight forward narrative fashion and progresses the American storyline that favours a super-virus over a supernatural cause for its crazed assailants. We are out of an apartment building and onto a aeroplane and an airport terminal with a mixed bunch of characters as panic and death sets in.

Straight forward and straight-to-DVD (again no UK Blu Ray) Q2:T doesn't forward the genre or the series/franchise but is a fairly passable entry in the crazed looney not zombies films of recent years. It is not a patch on REC 2 and I severely doubt we'll get to part 3 with the Quarantine off-shoot while the original Spanish movies rampage on to REC: GENESIS and REC: APOCALYPSE and hopefully the honour of being the greatest horror franchise ever.

I'll give Q2:T half a hard on. I'll also stop calling it Q2:T. And I proposed to the lead on Twitter. She said yes.

Happy Horror Hard On At World War Z

Glasgows George Sq has a very different set of traffic lights.











Anyone else been to the Greggs on !6th Street?

































































No one seemed to be paying attention to the banners overhead, a typical presence, but read them and you'll find yourself in Philidelphia.










































Can't find the GFT on here! How do I get to Frightfest?














Stunt car.







Chips!







Wouldn't take my First Week pass.





Oh no! I've heard their coverage is shit!
























Vistiors to the Corentian Club this weekend may find themselves standing for the national anthem. It will still be full of old slappers though.

Rise Of The Planet Apes (2011)

So I'm cheating, sue me. Rise Of The Planet Of The Apes is not horror. Nor were the preceding six movies but I like to stretch my genre parameters here at the Hard On. What you think i watch horror all the time.? I am a huge Planet Of The Apes fan but the trailer for this years obligatory franchise "reboot" left me a little cold. All I saw were action beats cribbed from I Robot.

Whether 20th Century Fox have deliberately played it well or not I cannot say but that trailer fails to show almost anything from the first hour and ten minutes it takes to build up to the third act summer blockbuster action fest finale.

Rise Of The Planet Of The Apes is a brilliant piece of summer entertainment where director Rupert Wight and his writers, effects magicians and the incredible talented Andy Sirkas dare you to imagine that Christopher Nolan is not the only one who can deliver the big summer movie with smarts. The CGI on show is a tool not a toy expanding performances and lending the film adding layers of depth, emotion, character, it's a REAL movie made for a summer audience who could have imagined it?

Cleverly and unobtrusively laying down ground work for a sequel with a space mission sub plot so brief that if you blink you will miss it Fox, armed with next years Alien reboot/prequel/hybrid, are set to once more be king of the world whether it be a world of xenomorphs or a planet of apes.

Full on hard on and ejaculation for Rise Of The Planet Of The Apes. Go in Fox green light that sequel now!

Super 8 (2011)

Super 8 is a slice of Americana that non-Americans can enjoy through the filter of having seen movies set around a similar period. It is an attempt to do ET, THE GOONIES or THE EXPLORERS in a retro fashion but it cannot be these things. It is a period piece that references a continent to which I do not belong. It evokes memories of technology that did not grip Europe with the same fevour as it did the West. It is also 3 films, the Stand By Me wannabe, the alien invasion movie and the one that tries to jam these two pieces together.

For a film that relies on its young actors chemistry the story does not spend enough time with their characters nor does it let them develop. The periphery characters are reduced to being the kid that vomits and the kid that blows stuff up. There are no early scenes giving us an insight into this. Think THE GOONIES and how Data, Mouth, Chunk and Mikey are introduced with their relevant "skills" and attributes for the plot. The conclusive feel good scene for Super 8 falls down as our lead has had no interaction with the creature for it to have any meaning and resolutions seem tagged on and hurried. These are all simple structure points that any novice screenwriter will be able to recite to you verbatim. The feeling is the script that Abrahms wante to make was suffocated by the one the studio wanted him to make.

I did not hate Super 8 and now I can understand its European release delay as it's all about being a little kid in America in 1979/80. Which is still likely of minor interest to today's American 13/14 year olds also shown by the low box-office performance of JJ Abrams monster movie. I would point viewers toward Joe Johnstons brilliant October Sky if you want to see a copy of Speilbergburbia that feels like it has some weight behind it.

Half a hard on for Super 8.

Cold Sweat (2010)

Do you ever have a lull in your love for horror movies? A time where you just can't seem to catch a good movie for love nor money no matter what obscure corner you search? This tends to happen for me during the drudgery of superhero summer where distributors are saving their horror releases for the Autum/Halloween season.

From Argentina comes Cold Sweat (Sudor Frio in its native tongue) by cheap exploration director Adrian Garcia Bogliano and it has saved my summer. In fact this could be my favourite horror movie of the year!

Bogliano's premise is simple enough, two old facists entrap young people in their old building. So far, so torture porn. These old men however are specially trained torturers using a variation of chemicals to carry out their dastardly deeds. The one in particular that the film focuses on is Nitroglycerin, the liquid you get from dynamite. These guys like to cover people in it. Which means they can explode under a number of stresses to their body or environment, heat, movement etc.

Bogliano's production, like many of his gore hound colleagues in the Argintinian underground horror scene, has stepped right up even further away from the home made scene he spearheaded and Cold Sweat ushers in a new era for Argintinian produced horror. The film wastes no time getting to it's premise this truly is made for it's audience. For those missing HOSTEL or SAW there is a LOT of fun to be had in Cold Sweat.

Full on hard on and ejaculation all over the place for Cold Sweat.

Blind Alley

Oh I fancy this one. Woman trapped in a laundrette by a psycho. Spanish language from the writer of The Devils Backbone (which is a better Spanish Civil War film than it was a ghost story in my opinion which is a recommendation). Keeping my erogenous zones prepped for this one.

Happy Horor Half Way

As we're halfway through the year I thought I'd reflect on my favourite genre releases so far, a list that will no doubt change under the influence of this years Frightfest line-up.

KIDNAPPED - harrowing, grim and technical brilliance.

TROLL HUNTER - found footage gem.

TUCKER AND DALE VS EVIL - hilarious horror cliche reversal

DRIVE ANGRY - super hot American exploration vehicle.

I SAW THE DEVIL - no one does revenge quite like Korea.

RUBBER - bonkers and brilliant.

VICTIMS - director Bryant is set to be big.

HOBO WITH A SHOTGUN - hilarious and ludicrous.

SUPER - kicked KICK-ASS ass. Like a Troma flick from a good director.

INSIDIOUS - unexpected fun rather than scary.

CHECKPOINT aka TERRITORIES - French production in English bleak and real.

MONSTERS - it slipped put on limited release on Boxing Day '10 but this is simply the best genre film of the year for me!

SUCKERPUNCH - not sexy? Idiots. Fantastic CGI with hotties in underwear.

PHASE 7 - brilliant and darkly humourless end of the world tale with a storming John Carpenter style soundtrack.

Looking at that and with still many more to come I think my year end list could breach 20 films or more!

Frightfest 2011 films announced

So here we go here are the 2011 Film 4 Frightfest films for the August Event:


PROGRAMME – SCREEN 1

THURSDAY 25 AUGUST 2011
18:30 DON’T BE AFRAID OF THE DARK (UK Premiere)
100 mins Director Troy Nixey Australia 2011

21:15 FINAL DESTINATION 5 3D (UK Premiere)
95 mins Director: Steven Quale USA 2011

23:30 THE THEATRE BIZARRE (European Premiere)
108 mins Directors: Richard Stanley, Tom Savini, Douglas Buck, Karim Hussain, Buddy Giovinazzo, Jeremy Kasten, David Gregory USA/France 2011

FRIDAY 26 AUGUST 2011
10:40 ROGUE RIVER (UK Premiere)
90 mins Director: Jourdan McClure USA 2010

12:45 THE HOLDING (World Premiere)
90 mins Director: Susan Jacobson UK 2011

15:05 The Total Film Interview: Larry Fessenden in conversation with Jamie Graham

Plus - American Horror: A Panel Discussion
90 mins

17:00 URBAN EXPLORERS (UK Premiere)
88 mins Director: Andy Fetscher Germany 2011

19:05 THE GLASS MAN (World Premiere)
120 mins Director: Cristian Solimeno UK 2011

21:55 TUCKER & DALE VS. EVIL (London Preview)
86 mins Director: Eli Craig USA 2010

23:55 VILE (World Premiere)
88 mins Director: Taylor Sheridan USA 2011

SATURDAY 27 AUGUST 2011
11:00 TROLL HUNTER (Preview)
99 mins Director: Andre Ovredal Norway 2010

13:15 THE WICKER TREE (European Premiere)
90 mins Director: Robin Hardy UK 2011

15:35 PANIC BUTTON (World Premiere)
95 mins Director: Chris Crow UK 2011

18:00 FRIGHT NIGHT 3D (Preview)
120 mins Director: Chris Gillespie USA 2011

21:00 THE WOMAN (UK Premiere)
100 mins Director: Lucky McKee USA 2011

23:30 CHILLERAMA (European Premiere)
115 mins Directors: Adam Rifkin, Tim Sullivan, Adam Green, Joe Lynch USA 2011

SUNDAY 28 AUGUST 2011
10:30 THE DIVIDE (Preview)
110 mins Director: Xavier Gens USA 2011

13:00 THE HORROR CHANNEL PRESENTS THE SHORT FILM SHOWCASE

+ ANDY NYMAN’S QUIZ FROM HELL 2

16:00 THE INNKEEPERS (UK Premiere)
102 mins Director: Ti West USA 2011

18:35 SAINT (UK Premiere)
85 mins Director: Dick Maas The Netherlands - 2010

20:50 KILL LIST (UK Premiere) – SPONSORED BY TOTAL FILM
90 mins Director: Ben Wheatley UK 2011

23:30 DETENTION (UK Premiere)
93 mins Director: Joseph Kahn USA 2011

MONDAY 29 AUGUST 2011
10:45 GUINEA PIGS (World Premiere)
90 mins Director: Ian Clark UK 2011

13:10 DEADHEADS (UK Premiere)
90 mins Directors: Brett Pierce, Drew T. Pierce USA 2011

15:30 SENNENTUNTSCHI: CURSE OF THE ALPS (UK Premiere)
110 mins Director: Michael Steiner Switzerland 2010

18:30 INBRED (World Premiere)
95 mins Director: Alex Chandon UK 2011

21:00 A LONELY PLACE TO DIE (UK Premiere)
98 mins Director: Julian Gilbey UK 2011



PROGRAMME – DISCOVERY SCREEN

FRIDAY 26 AUGUST 2011
10:35 THE MAN WHO SAW FRANKENSTEIN CRY (UK Premiere)
75 mins Director: Angel Agudo Spain 2010

12:30 A HORRIBLE WAY TO DIE (Preview)
95 mins Director: Adam Wingard USA 2010

15:00 MIDNIGHT SON (UK premiere)
95 mins Director: Scott Leberecht USA 2011

17:15 RABIES (Preview)
90 mins Directors: Aharon Keshales, Navot Papushado Israel 2010

19:30 BLOOD RUNS COLD (UK Premiere)
80 mins Director: Sonny Laguna Sweden 2011

21:30 KIDNAPPED (London Preview)
85 mins Director: Miguel Angel Vivas Spain 2011

23:30 STORMHOUSE (London Preview)
88 mins Director: Dan Turner UK 2011

SATURDAY 27 AUGUST 2011
10:30 THE DEAD (Special Event)
90 mins Directors: Howard J. Ford & Jon Ford UK 2010

13:00 ATROCIOUS (UK Premiere)
75 mins Director: Fernando Barreda Luna Spain 2010

15:30 MY SUCKY TEEN ROMANCE (European Premiere)
80 mins Director: Emily Hagins USA 2011

18:00 THE CALLER (London Preview)
88 mins Director: Matthew Parkhill USA 2011

21:05 THE DEVIL’S BUSINESS (World Premiere)
75 mins Director: Sean Hogan UK 2011

23:00 A HORRIBLE WAY TO DIE

SUNDAY 28 AUGUST 2011
11:15 KIDNAPPED

13:15 RABIES

16:15 BLOOD RUNS COLD

18:45 MIDNIGHT SON
PROGRAMME – SCREEN 1

THURSDAY 25 AUGUST 2011
18:30 DON’T BE AFRAID OF THE DARK (UK Premiere)
100 mins Director Troy Nixey Australia 2011

21:15 FINAL DESTINATION 5 3D (UK Premiere)
95 mins Director: Steven Quale USA 2011

23:30 THE THEATRE BIZARRE (European Premiere)
108 mins Directors: Richard Stanley, Tom Savini, Douglas Buck, Karim Hussain, Buddy Giovinazzo, Jeremy Kasten, David Gregory USA/France 2011

FRIDAY 26 AUGUST 2011
10:40 ROGUE RIVER (UK Premiere)
90 mins Director: Jourdan McClure USA 2010

12:45 THE HOLDING (World Premiere)
90 mins Director: Susan Jacobson UK 2011

15:05 The Total Film Interview: Larry Fessenden in conversation with Jamie Graham

Plus - American Horror: A Panel Discussion
90 mins

17:00 URBAN EXPLORERS (UK Premiere)
88 mins Director: Andy Fetscher Germany 2011

19:05 THE GLASS MAN (World Premiere)
120 mins Director: Cristian Solimeno UK 2011

21:55 TUCKER & DALE VS. EVIL (London Preview)
86 mins Director: Eli Craig USA 2010

23:55 VILE (World Premiere)
88 mins Director: Taylor Sheridan USA 2011

SATURDAY 27 AUGUST 2011
11:00 TROLL HUNTER (Preview)
99 mins Director: Andre Ovredal Norway 2010

13:15 THE WICKER TREE (European Premiere)
90 mins Director: Robin Hardy UK 2011

15:35 PANIC BUTTON (World Premiere)
95 mins Director: Chris Crow UK 2011

18:00 FRIGHT NIGHT 3D (Preview)
120 mins Director: Chris Gillespie USA 2011

21:00 THE WOMAN (UK Premiere)
100 mins Director: Lucky McKee USA 2011

23:30 CHILLERAMA (European Premiere)
115 mins Directors: Adam Rifkin, Tim Sullivan, Adam Green, Joe Lynch USA 2011

SUNDAY 28 AUGUST 2011
10:30 THE DIVIDE (Preview)
110 mins Director: Xavier Gens USA 2011

13:00 THE HORROR CHANNEL PRESENTS THE SHORT FILM SHOWCASE

+ ANDY NYMAN’S QUIZ FROM HELL 2

16:00 THE INNKEEPERS (UK Premiere)
102 mins Director: Ti West USA 2011

18:35 SAINT (UK Premiere)
85 mins Director: Dick Maas The Netherlands - 2010

20:50 KILL LIST (UK Premiere) – SPONSORED BY TOTAL FILM
90 mins Director: Ben Wheatley UK 2011

23:30 DETENTION (UK Premiere)
93 mins Director: Joseph Kahn USA 2011

MONDAY 29 AUGUST 2011
10:45 GUINEA PIGS (World Premiere)
90 mins Director: Ian Clark UK 2011

13:10 DEADHEADS (UK Premiere)
90 mins Directors: Brett Pierce, Drew T. Pierce USA 2011

15:30 SENNENTUNTSCHI: CURSE OF THE ALPS (UK Premiere)
110 mins Director: Michael Steiner Switzerland 2010

18:30 INBRED (World Premiere)
95 mins Director: Alex Chandon UK 2011

21:00 A LONELY PLACE TO DIE (UK Premiere)
98 mins Director: Julian Gilbey UK 2011



PROGRAMME – DISCOVERY SCREEN

FRIDAY 26 AUGUST 2011
10:35 THE MAN WHO SAW FRANKENSTEIN CRY (UK Premiere)
75 mins Director: Angel Agudo Spain 2010

12:30 A HORRIBLE WAY TO DIE (Preview)
95 mins Director: Adam Wingard USA 2010

15:00 MIDNIGHT SON (UK premiere)
95 mins Director: Scott Leberecht USA 2011

17:15 RABIES (Preview)
90 mins Directors: Aharon Keshales, Navot Papushado Israel 2010

19:30 BLOOD RUNS COLD (UK Premiere)
80 mins Director: Sonny Laguna Sweden 2011

21:30 KIDNAPPED (London Preview)
85 mins Director: Miguel Angel Vivas Spain 2011

23:30 STORMHOUSE (London Preview)
88 mins Director: Dan Turner UK 2011

SATURDAY 27 AUGUST 2011
10:30 THE DEAD (Special Event)
90 mins Directors: Howard J. Ford & Jon Ford UK 2010

13:00 ATROCIOUS (UK Premiere)
75 mins Director: Fernando Barreda Luna Spain 2010

15:30 MY SUCKY TEEN ROMANCE (European Premiere)
80 mins Director: Emily Hagins USA 2011

18:00 THE CALLER (London Preview)
88 mins Director: Matthew Parkhill USA 2011

21:05 THE DEVIL’S BUSINESS (World Premiere)
75 mins Director: Sean Hogan UK 2011

23:00 A HORRIBLE WAY TO DIE

SUNDAY 28 AUGUST 2011
11:15 KIDNAPPED

13:15 RABIES

16:15 BLOOD RUNS COLD

18:45 MIDNIGHT SON

21:15 THE MAN WHO SAW FRANKENSTEIN CRY

MONDAY 29 AUGUST 2011
11:00 THE CALLER

13:00 THE DEVIL’S BUSINESS

15:45 ATROCIOUS

18:35 MY SUCKY TEEN ROMANCE
21:15 THE MAN WHO SAW FRANKENSTEIN CRY

MONDAY 29 AUGUST 2011
11:00 THE CALLER

13:00 THE DEVIL’S BUSINESS

15:45 ATROCIOUS

18:35 MY SUCKY TEEN ROMANCE

An amendment has been made to the line-up. Guinea Pogs will not be completed in time for the festival and will be replaced by another VeryigobFos production A NIGHT IN THE WOODS.

Troll Hunter

So it's one of those fake documentry movies but the schtick this time is a crew in pursuit of the truth behind a series of bear attacks on the Norwegian border with Russia. They smell a goverent conspiracy and uncover the secret work of, well the titles a spoiler already, a troll hunter and begin to film him as he educated them on the various breeds of troll witnessing some of the facinafing beasts along the way.

It's the found footage film of the year! So goes the hype but does TROLL HUNTER live up to it's reputation? Oh yes. Happy Horror Hard On is very happy indeed at this Norfic mash-up of THE BLAIR WITCH HUNT (obligatory mention) and Scandanavian folklore. If you do not like "found footage" flicks then you're all ready lost to the cause but if you do you'll find a gem in this film. It maybe could do with a little trimming of the fat in some places just to zip along faster but the troll effects are great and a lot of fun.

Already touted for a remake by Chris Colombus for people who don't read subtitles too well it's a full on hairy troll hard on for TROLL HUNTER.

Shadow

Set along a mountain cycling path, called The Shadow, this Italian lenses horror features badly dubbed Brit psychopath stalking a soon to return to Afghanistan soldier an the attractive female he meets along the way before all of them, good bad or indifferent stumble into the lair of the cover character and everything goes a bit HOSTEL/SAW.

Despite the backing of Film 4 Frightfest to release SHADOW in the UK spurned along by their positive reviews the movie itself is actually quite derivative and dull. There was definitely hints at the possibilities of a technicolour overload and screaming rock score that graced many Italian films of the past but, if you will excuse the pun, this is a pale shadow of those visual and auditory nightmares SUSPIRIA and INFERNO. The lacklustre "torture porn" or "backwoods survival" element of the story hampers the movie form being the twisted tale that lead villain Mortis should inhabit. And THAT ending, let's just say I've had enough of that ending sometime ago it's not big or clever anymore and has been done better before.

Floppy.

Hatchet II

Back to the swamp time as the legend of Victor Crowley further expands in Adam Greens second splatterfest HATCHET II. Lead Marybeth is recast with HALLOWEEN starlet Danielle Harris and the cast is plumped out with Tony Todd taking onore than a cameo in fact his character has ulterior motives behind entering the backwoods to Marybeth avenge her family against the belt sander wielding swamp ghost.

You know I want to love this and i want to love the original but I just don't. I find both films pretty sub-par in terms of script, acting, production and general horrorishness. Now Adam Green has made two superb films with SPIRAL and my favourite horror film of 2010 FROZEN and though I get what HATCHET is about I'm just not into it. I thought it might be an age thing but I like the new NIGHT OF THE DEMONS and all it's over the top silliness so maybe it's not that at all.

Floppy for HATCHET II even though it does star the gorgeous Danielle Harris.