The Collector

After winning Project Greenlight 3 and having their script, FEAST produced by Dimension Films screen writing duo Patrick Felton and Marcus Dunst quickly became the go to guys for horror features jumping on to the SAW franchise steam train as well as finishing their own FEAST trilogy and doctoring scripts for the likes of MY BLOODY VALENTINE 3D. Dunst makes a move into the directors chair for THE COLLECTOR.

Looking to score an expensive jewel and settle his estranged wife's loan shark debt Arkin (Josh Stewart) breaks into the home of the family where he has been carrying out construction work. Already in the house is a masked man who has tied the family up in various improvised torture chambers and rigged the house with an assortment of booby-traps. Arkin is caught in a deadly game of cat and mouse against the masked man and his contraptions.

The script was conceived during Dunst and Felton's pitch for the SAW series as a proposed prequel, a few adjustments later and it became MIDNIGHT MAN and latterly THE COLLECTOR. The trap orientated plot will certainly be familiar to fans of the work of John "Jigsaw" Kramer but this film is a lot meaner, if that is possible, and is unforgiving to its characters. Dunst's direction takes a startling lead from giallo slashers with contrasting colours and outright brutal violence. The traps idea may be a little contrived and stretch believability but this is entertainment, not true life and as a result this is a thrilling and gritty movie, a refreshing, vitalizing jolt to the torture/home invasion sub-genre and the best to come from US shores for many a year. It practically screams for a sequel but that is an inherant factor of the horror plot; evil going unpunished, and Felton and Dunst have already spoken on various internet interviews of taking THE COLLECTOR in an intriguing action orientated direction.

The movie has been crippled by distribution problems once the Weinstein's were unable to provide proper support so it has got a little lost in the shuffle, seek it out in a DVD store now.

Total hard on and ejaculation!

Rec 2

REC was 2008s outstanding horror feature utilising the point-of-view voyeur camera techniques that have been applied in other movies since such as DIARY OF THE DEAD or CLOVERFIELD. The story was told in real time with minimal edits and a largely improvised and naturalistic performance lending a scary true to life feel to what essential boils down to a zombie film. It was a delight at Frightfest Glasgow 2008 and as promised by co-directors Jaume Balaguero and Paco Plaza are back with REC 2.

The film tail ends its predecessor almost immediately following a SWAT team with helmet mounted cameras being led into the building by representative from the Ministry Of Health after losing contact with their doctor who entered the building an hour or so before. We follow the group as they uncover the aftermath of the original movie and meet a few familiar faces in the form of the crazy infected residents. The team soon find themselves in similar dire circumstances as those of the originals cast but this time the story adds even more emphasis on the supernatural aspects further distancing itself from the contrived American remake QUARANTINE. The addition of a group of young kids who sneak into the building under the quarantine cordon adds a new angle for both camera and story until the return of Angela and a twist on the night vision finale.

Keeping very much to the same formula allows REC and REC 2 to be viewed as one continuous piece. For the sequel the action is heightened, the mystery is deepened and one of the most original and frightening horrors of the last decade has set itself up to be a continual series. Balaguero is set to direct FLATMATE while Plaza is still circling his project CIRCUS before moving onto a third entry. We await REC 3 with much anticipation.

Erection and ejaculation!

Basement

Oh look they've reused the set from THE HOLE that could be cool. Or not as it happens.

When some anti-war protestors stop for a pee they stumble upon an underground bunker and get locked in. Three minutes layer they're shouting about never getting out of here while walking incredibly slowly to get out all their exposition while walking through a very small, limited set that is opposed to be maze. Shambles heaps upon shambles as we leap from disjointed scene to disjointed scene that seems like a bunch of monkeys have written in their own shit.

If it wasn't for British horrors like 28 DAYS LATER or THE DESCENT you would be forgiven for thinking Britain cannot make horror films to save themselves. It certainly seems like the writers, director and producers of BASEMENT can't. While it is well photographed, which is usually where low budget movies loose out the "script" is an incoherent jumble, or perhaps it is the edit and editor that is at fault. Whichever the film is directionless, the acting wooden and forced so the director is certainly to blame as are the producers for finding money for this utter waste of time. I can only say this is the worst horror film I have ever seen and I have watched Uwe Bolls genre fallacies.

This movie is so utterly atrocious I've shrivelled up and ingested myself.

Dead Cert

Craig (CLIFFHANGER) Fairbass is the lead in this gangsters meet vampires Brit flick in a substrate of horror that is fast becoming "High Street Horror" taking up residence at your local supermarket.

Fairbass plays the preposterously named Freddie Franken (my spellcheck just suggested Frankenstein there) who no sooner has achieved his dream of opening a strip club than he's lost it in an underground fighting bet. To a bunch of Romanians. Who are vampires. Led by Billy (DOGHOUSE) Murray and other British soap actors. Eventually, really, really eventually, they all scuffle, not really fight, it's all more of a struggle.

The production of DEAD CERT is very much a jobs for the boys number, nearly every key actor is a producer or executive producer on this show. The aligning of the gangster and vampire genre will not please fans of either being a half-baked cut and paste retread of the simplest of themes from both. Watching the trailer would lead you to believe there's a British FROM DUSK 'TIL DAWN waiting for you instead of the tame episode of Footballers Wives with Halloween fangs that you get. There's some pretty women on display but even the stripper characters remain clothed, where's the sex that used to ooze of of British horror in the Hammer heydays?

Shot in mostly master shots with a couple of poorly advised "name" cameos DEAD CERT is dead rotten ( I hope I haven't inspired the sequel there!) and a load of "soppy bollocks" though more of a silly film than actual outright bad. Floppy.

ZMD: Zombies Of Mass Destruction

In a small island community in the United States Of America a pretty young Iranian girl struggles against her fathers preconceptions of what her life should be and the locals misconceptions that she is from the other Middle Eastern country to begin with an I. There's also a gay couple, one a townie returning to come out to his family and his partner who is already way, way out there. Thrown into this backwards slice of America is the minor problem of an invasion of the walking dead.

When you have a horror film called ZOMBIES OF MASS DESTRUCTION you know you're getting comedy but you're also expecting a bit of flesh munching undead action but just like the films namesake mass destruction is no where to be found. Instead we're holed up in a community church where the local preacher tries to straighten outnumber the gay characters and the "local yokels" mix up Iran and Iraq in a ham-fisted social commentary. The digital photography looks like it's been washed in a dirty bath and needs a good colour correction to brighten it up a fair bit. Overall the problems lie in the execution of the script, both the production and the acting let down what could have been a fair comedy.

In the end the movie is as dull and lifeless as a corpse and as flaccid and floppy as my horror movie hard OFF.

Night Of The Demons

Angela is having a party...again. Where you there the first three times that demons were unleashed on unsuspecting teens on Halloween night? If so you might be interested to know that Adam (AUTOPSY) Giersch is returning to the popular franchise to resurrect the Demon House once more.

As a remake of one of the more obscure horror titles of the 80s your knowledge of the genre is really put to the test as to how much you know about the original three movies. As video shelf horror and late night cable filler the original trio has gathered a cult following and it mostly to this following that the reworking of NIGHT OF THE DEMONS will appeal most. It is not a film out to set the world to rights but instead is interested in painting the screen red and partying like this will be the last Halloween ever.

Character and plot begone. Exposed midriffs, punk rock and vaginal secretions are the order of the day. And while it sure looks pretty this reviewer would have liked to have seen the pus and ooze go further, the FEAST trilogy has already set the standard for squirting grue, and some of the kills could push the boundaries a bit more. The movie works best when it's having fun such as Shannon Elizabeth as the gothic temptress Angela slow dance seducing another female to the strains of Type O Negative and the Drac FX team turn in a interesting catalogue of demons.

Hampered by silly exposition but saved by not taking itself seriously NIGHT OF THE DEMONS is a reminder of when horror can be fun when played like an over the top Halloween funhouse.

Semi-erect

Cherry Tree Lane

Paul Andrew Williams follows up his tongue in cheek horror THE COTTAGE with a more sober affair the stark and harrowing, despite its name, CHERRY TREE LANE.

Fast being dubbed "hoodie horror" with the likes of EDEN LAKE and F before it CHERRY TREE LANE is a home invasion movie in which a gang of three South London "yoofs" come calling at a house on the titular street looking for revenge against the son of the ordinary unassuming couple that are found at home. For just over the next hour we wait uncomfortably for the return of son Sebastian as the gang members grow increasingly restless in their quest to sate their blood lust. Frustrated and impotent against the bickering teens tension mounts as we get closer and closer to the moment of Sebastian's return and the couple are subjected to an increasing catalogue of crimes.

Williams himself has said the idea came out of a fallback plan, should his filmmaking career hit the skids he would have a story that could be done simply in and around his own house. I certainly hope Williams career has not achieved such a low point as he is really beginning to show promise as a great British director. CHERRY TREE LANE is a simple premise that lives comfortably in the horror/thriller genre with other sparse and suspenseful cinema greats. It is a film that gnaws on your nerves avoiding splatter and blood shed instead favouring the suggestion and anticipation of terror.

Full on hard on.